Journey: Baptism

 

My baptism last summer was a defining moment in my life’s story. Although I had accepted Jesus as my savior as a teenager, last year it was extremely clear to me that I was on the verge of a new season in my life and I longed to mark that time in a powerful and special way. I wanted to publicly share my story, declare my faith and reaffirm my relationship with God as I prepared my heart to enter into this next chapter in life. I knew it was time to be baptized.

In contrast to my baptism as an infant, my memories of my baptism last year are vivid. I remember the day as vibrant, full of friends as well as many smiling and encouraging faces I did not yet know. I remember the music, the laughter, the joy of the day, but mostly I remember feeling fully alive and extremely happy. My heart overflowed with gratitude as I recounted my story of God’s faithfulness and goodness in my life through both good and difficult times. As I stood there sharing, a clarity came upon my heart as I recognized how time after time God had shown his faithfulness to me. In my experience of that morning, I know my relationship with Him deepened. As I was lowered into and then raised out of those waters, I celebrated afresh being a His beautiful new creation raised into a new life. The old was gone, the new had come.

My faith journey since last August has not been an easy path, but I know with certainty, that God wanted me to have that moment in the water with him so he could whisper and remind me that not only was he faithful and beside me through my past leading up to that day, but that he would be just as faithful in my future days as well. I know and believe that He is the God who makes all things new again. He is the God who brings forth beauty from ashes. He is the God who binds up broken hearts and He is the God who has come to set us captives free. He carries our burdens; he wipes our tears and holds us so close to his heart that we are imprinted on the palms of his hands. He is my God and his word tells me that He chose me to be his child before I was even known. He will never leave me, even when things are their worst.

I love that in those waters at Kill Creek Park last summer, I was able to stand up and tell the world that I love Him and would continue to choose Him no matter what was ahead. He remains ever faithful and I cherish how God specializes in making all things new: broken lives, broken people and especially broken hearts. I believe he is who he says he is and I believe he can do what he says he can do. He calls to our hearts and we have only to respond, accept, remember, say thank you and celebrate this wild, beautiful new life we have been given.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”
- 2 Corinthians 5:17

♫ From Joe: If you'd like to read or read again our baptism story from last year, here's a link: Into the Water.

§ If you are interested:  click here for The Journey in Word format and click here for the Journey in PDF format. For more resources, feel free to visit the Journey Devotional page by clicking here.

Journey: Bud Break

 

Last fall we were neck deep in some of our darkest days. Our hopes for our family had shattered and the color had faded from both the landscape outside our windows as well as within our hearts. We had been plunged into a season of life where hope felt not only foreign but forgotten. There was no light or life in our hearts and the months ahead held little promise of relief.

It was during these impossible days, that two dear women came to our home with the intention of planting tangible reminders of hope and praying that it would take root. They arrived on a brisk, drizzly day, sank to their knees in our front flower bed and began digging. Approximately a dozen tulip bulbs were planted into a patch of earth that appeared as barren as our hearts felt. After carefully placing the bulbs inside the earth, they blanketed them with dirt, patted the ground, and departed. To the unsuspecting human eye, the spot appeared just as empty and hopeless as it had before their visit, but the Master Gardner, God, could see nothing but the potential buds, blooms and beauty that lay inches below the surface of the cold, damp soil. Despite our hunger for beauty and renewal during those desperate days, God knew it was not the right season for the bulbs to bloom. He knew that before they could be ready, they had to first go through the harsh winter ahead.

Through the winter months, bitter winds blew; ice and snow covered the ground, temperatures dropped and icicles formed. Our heating bills rose as our tears fell down and all the while, those bulbs remained buried just outside of our window; invisible, quiet and patiently waiting for the season of their purpose to arrive. We watched that tiny patch of earth like we never had before. We were waiting for evidence of growth, for beauty after bleakness, for change after stagnation, for purpose to blossom out of difficulty.

When we experience seasons of drought or “winter” in our souls, just like with flowers, it does not mean that nothing is happening outside of what we can see or feel. God does not squander time or seasons. He does not create and forget. He remains, he tends, he shapes, he develops new branches and grows them in new directions on his vine. He encourages growth through whispers and is patient while he waits for our roots to deepen in him. He allows the harshness of our “winters” to strengthen our branches so they are able to handle the weight of the new fruit he plans to grow on them. He calls us forth out of our darkness into His sunrise. He beckons us toward new beginnings, fresh starts, new possibilities, and increased fruitfulness. He summons us toward hope for plans and purposes greater than we can imagine. He instructs us to remain in him, but beyond that, he whispers deep into our hearts to not just remain, but to grow and better yet, even bloom.

“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
- Anais Nin

* This is my latest piece for Heartland's weekly online devotional called The Journey....

§ If you are interested:  click here for The Journey in Word format and click here for the Journey in PDF format. For more resources, feel free to visit the Journey Devotional page by clicking here.

7 Months

My Sweet Pea,

You are thought of and prayed for every day.
You are missed more than mere words can ever express.
There is a Luke-shaped hole in this world and in my heart.
I still study your sweet face for hours and can see you perfectly with my eyes closed.
I wish we were splashing around in a wading pool together this summer to beat the heat.
I wish I could hold your hand and kiss your sweet cheeks.
I would give anything to see your smile.
I cannot believe it has been seven months since I held you close and told you I loved you in person.
I still cry when I think of you.
I have started to meet and visit some of your friends.
They are amazing, but only make me miss you more which I never believed could be possible.
I'm so proud to be your mama.
I talk to you all the time- especially when I see your beautiful clouds in the sky.
Thank you for all you continue to teach me, Luke.
My life continues forward but my heart will forever be looking back for you.
You are loved. 
You are cherished.
You are missed.
More every day.
Love,
Your mom

The Journey: Pruned

“You may kiss your bride” were the words my heart had believed for decades would mark the beginning of my happily ever after. While I was seasoned enough to understand that marriage was not all butterflies and rainbows, I truly believed that the fruitful part of my life was truly beginning when I heard those words spoken over us on that alter. When I look back on that moment in time, I can still see how I arrived at that conclusion, however, to call these past seventeen months “fruitful” feels like a bit of a stretch for my heart right now.

Entering happily into this season expecting a lot of blooming, blossoming and growing, I quickly discovered that God, the Master Gardner, had something else in mind for us entirely.  Although the hands of the Gardener are always careful not to kill or break off, the life being pruned often has a different perspective.  In the past seventeen months, God, with his pruning shears has cut away the bread-winning job in our household -twice. Has pruned away the joy of pregnancy.  He called our sweet newborn son into his arms in heaven shortly after birth. He has welcomed a beloved grandmother home to heaven, and has allowed for personal challenges inherent with a new marriage on top of many other personal ones. It is a season that has at times felt un-recoverable - almost as if His pruning shears went too far and accidentally severed us from His vine.  But in our hearts we know that is impossible, He knows exactly what he is doing and what is best.  It simply does not feel that way for us in the thick of this season in our lives.

So we have held onto that vine with all of our strength. With every whispered prayer and every cry of our hearts we have held tight as we have also been held.  As is often the case, lest the prun-ee become discouraged and wither, God being the ultimate Master Gardener has also plied us with fertilizer in order to strengthen and prepare us to grow and produce fruit when the season and timing are right.  During this difficult time, He gave us each other to cling to during these impossible days.  He provided community around us to sustain, encourage and to help us stay connected to His vine when we were weakest. He sheltered us in our cozy home, provided a secondary income to help make ends meet and whispered directly to our hearts of the hope of future fruit and harvest inherent in pruning. Being pruned is all about practicing a faith and belief that there is more hope and beauty ahead than what our eyes can see in the moment. Pruning is not just a lesson in gardening, it is a lesson in faith: believing in and hoping for what cannot be seen in this season.  

         -“For, before the harvest, when the blossom is gone and the flower becomes a ripening grape, he will cut off the shoots with pruning knives, and cut down and take away the spreading branches.”

~ Isaiah 18:5

* This is my latest piece for Heartland's weekly online devotional called The Journey....

§ If you are interested:  click here for The Journey in Word format and click here for the Journey in PDF format.  For more resources, feel free to visit the Journey Devotional page by clicking here.

The Journey

For the past couple of years, our church has had an online weekly devotional called The Journey, which is staffed by volunteer writers. It was a big step for me to "try out" for this team of writers, as it meant saying in a public way, "I like to write" and "I hope you read it."  It was a humbling message to admit and put out into the world and may not sound like that big of a deal, but for me, it was.  It meant making myself vulnerable enough to put my thoughts and writing out there for people to read, think about, form opinions about and possibly comment on- and more importantly, to basically let my efforts go and stand on their own.  It was about developing confidence in an area where my legs felt very shakey. 

The last time I wrote anything for The Journey was last August right when we found out about Luke's diagnosis.  I took a hiatus from writing there and turned my focus to begin writing on our blog and telling Luke's story....until now.  I have recently signed up to write several devotionals for our church over the next six months (about ten pieces in all) and am feeling a peace about writing there again. 

There are many teaching topics at church coming up on the horizon that I felt spoke directly to my heart either in what I've directly or am hoping to experience and learn about.  Feeling this connection with the upcoming teaching made me excited about volunteering to write for The Journey again.  I plan to post the pieces here as they are written and shared with our church community as well as links to where you can find the weekly devotional material that pairs with that week's teaching for anyone who may be interested- of course, there is zero obligation!

We are approaching the one year "birthday" of this little blog and it feels hard to believe that it was not until we found out about Luke that I truly began writing on a regular basis in a way that allowed my "voice" to be heard. This blog has been such an amazing outlet for me, mentally, personally, emotionally, spiritually and has also brought some incredible people into our lives as a bonus. As we move through and beyond this difficult season in our lives, I intend to keep on writing here and I will forever be grateful to our sweet, little Luke for helping me both discover and uncover this part of myself that brings so much life and joy to my heart.

I am also extremely grateful for all of you who have read and continue reading and passing our little blog along to friends- I'm grateful for your encouragement, your support, your words and your friendship. I cannot explain to you the transformation that has taken place for me in this area just in the past year alone since starting to write here. I thank you for helping me grow and for giving my words and our story wings.

Luke's Bench in the Lightbox

It's here... + It can be seen from space too!

  It has been an extremely emotional past few days for us.  Luke's bench is completed and has arrived in its new home inside the lightbox at Heartland.  While I have been eager yet anxious about seeing it for first time, I really did not know how to prepare my heart for the experience.  I took the day off from work so Joe and I could see it together for the first time on Friday and it was nothing short of pure emotion for us.  Walking up to the lightbox and letting our eyes rest upon it there in the shade, the only words that were able to be formulated were "yes," "wow" and "thank you."  Its milky gray color possesses depth and contrast just like a real cloud would while its thickness denotes stability and permanency.  Its gentle curves and lines reflect a comfort and softness not usually associated with concrete and its shape is restful for the eye to behold.  Needless to say, we are thrilled beyond words with how it turned out and we absolutely love it.

We were able to have some private time that day in the lightbox where we sat, admired, explored and discovered its reality and completeness.  It was thrilling to be able to touch it and sit on it after holding it in our mind's eye for so many months.  Our hearts were quivering as we prayed together and thanked God for all he had done for us to bring us to that day.  It is such a powerful memorial and marker for us regarding this journey we have been on and we are determined to always let it be a visible reminder of God's power over our lives.  Lots of tears later, we took some photos, shot some video footage and sat there quietly together thinking of and missing Luke and wishing he was there with us to see his beautiful bench.   

Joe took some time later that afternoon and created this beautiful video set to a song that has been an important part of our journey both together as a couple and with Luke.  There have been times where I have listened to it, sang along at the top of my lungs feeling strengthened by the powerful lyrics, and there have been times where when I listened, the tears just poured down my cheeks as I drove- times where I could barely even mouth the words let alone sing them.  It is a song written and preformed by our friend Jon Shirley and is also one of the ones we asked him to sing at Luke's Honoration service.  You can read all about Luke's Honoration service here.  (You can also find Jon's music on iTunes)

...the LORD said to Joshua, "... tell them to take up twelve stones from the middle of the Jordan from right where the priests stood and to carry them over with you and put them down at the place..." He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the LORD is powerful and so that you might always fear [revere] the LORD your God.
                                                     - Joshua 4: 3, 24

The book of Joshua has been an absolute touchstone for me during this season.  My journal is packed with passages and reflections and prayers stemming from this book about battles and fears and enemies and promised lands.  I may write more about that later, but the above verses echo our true feelings about what Luke's bench represents for us.  If you choose to read the verses in context, you will see that God was wanting his people to build a tangible memorial while in the midst of their journey to their promised land.  This memorial, made thanks to the assistance of many, had the sole purpose of helping them remember His power and faithfulness for bringing them through a very scary and never before experienced event- the crossing of the Jordan River at flood stage.  I'm sure the Israelites felt feelings when standing on the banks of that raging river similar to how Joe and I felt upon learning we were going to lose Luke- scared, facing so many unknowns while often paralyzed and filled with doubts and fears.  However, this side of the past eleven months, we can see with rich clarity that God was with us every step of this journey.  He was guiding, protecting, loving, providing, leading and strengthening us every inch of way.  He caught every tear and did not let us falter or fall away.

This bench is the memorial we have built (with the help of so many of you) to help us always remember how he loved us, blessed us with a beautiful son and brought us across our own Jordan River at flood stage.  We thank you, Lord, and with every glimpse of this beautiful bench, we will always remember.

*To everyone who helped to make this memorial for Luke possible, we thank you with all of our hearts.  

With Gratitude,

Joe and Sarah

p.s. The bride and groom flamingos seen in the video were part of a special wedding taking place at Heartland that night.  While they do not normally "live" in the lightbox, they bring a smile to our face every time we watch the video.  Congratulations to the beautiful bride and groom!  We are so happy that Luke's bench was a small part of your big day.

Sketches of Luke's Bench...

We have had a number of you try to find the photos of the lightbox and the sketches of Luke's bench that we posted several weeks ago.  Sorry for the confusion on where it is located within the blog.  Here is a link to the post and we are so excited for the arrival of his special bench in the next week or so and will of course post more photos of it once it is installed....

*Joe installed a google search engine onto our blog, so in the future it is going to be easy to search for anything- just type in a keyword (i.e. bench)  into the space located on the sidebar - you may have to scroll down a little bit to get to the search engine.  Thanks Joe!