August and Everything After - Part 3 - The Family God Makes

As I'm navigating through this current season, I'm choosing to remember God's faithfulness to me in recent years.  It's strange, but my story with God, even though it started in my childhood, really began one August, just a few Augusts ago....

This photo was taken around 5am after a night of all night caravan driving across Kansas.  We still had hours of driving to go, but we had finally made it to the mountains and we all stopped to stretch our legs.  I love this photo because it takes me right back to that early morning of slap-happy laughing, treat eating fun.  Sara Groves and Jem were our tunes of choice and of course, I laugh every time I see what we now call 'the claw.' (my hand over her shoulder which appears in so many photos of us through the years). 

Before going any further with my story, I need to introduce you to someone.  Her name is Jessica and she is quite simply, beyond amazing.  Not only is she beautiful inside and out, she has an incredible heart for God, she is crazy talented, hilarious, generous, smart, wise and super kind to name only a few of her qualities.  She is someone in whom I sensed an immediate kindred spirit when I first met her and we sat on opposite sides of the room in a book discussion group we both were involved in at our church.  Now to be clear, I'm absolutely not saying I possess all of these qualities...- AT ALL- but I'm talking about just that knowing sense of, "I think she's my friend" before even really knowing someone...that beautiful recognition that happens every once in a rare while.  I just knew we were going to be friends.

She was, at this point in the story, and remains to this day one of my accountability partners in life.  She has witnessed, encouraged, stood beside and been there with me at my best most happiest moments, and also at my absolute lowest and saddest moments.  She has listened, held my hand, lifted me up, prayed, shared, given, laughed and held my deepest secrets for years.  I absolutely love this woman and am beyond blessed to call her my friend.  I mention her today because she plays a critical role in the story that is about to unfold.  The girls in this photo above had no idea of what was about to happen, but we both acknowledge now that both of our lives have never been the same since.

When I look back through the lens of perspective on my single days, I see the friendships that grew out of that season, and my heart is humbled to realize that if I had had my way, my plan, I would have missed all of these people, these faces, these stories, these adventures, these hearts, these moments, all of the fun.  All of it! Seriously! I would have missed all of it.  I had no idea all of the beauty, life and love God had in store for me with these incredible friends.  

The years of my singleness, of taking the risk to put myself out there and meet other people in my same life stage and to invest in their lives and to allow them to invest in mine, are some of the richest and best years of my life.  I know that and am able to clearly see that now.  At the time, before this knowing and being known, I did not think it was possible to be happy and be single in my 30s.  It was the one area of my life that I was miserable.  All of my college friends and high school friends were dating seriously, getting married, having babies and settling down.  I love all of my friends, but it became difficult to spend time together the way we did when we were in school together.  As much as we cared about each other, our lives were diverging on the path and going in different directions.  Life was just changing.

As everyone (it felt like) was getting married, I was barely meeting anyone new, let alone dating.  I had the choice to be alone and sad, or I had the choice to adopt a positive attitude, take a big risk and possibly find some new friends...I had to hope that my life could look different.  It was a big choice to make for anyone, but especially for an introverted gal like myself whose idea of a good time is being at home by myself with a good book and my journal or having a few friends over for dinner.

Don't get me wrong, I was blessed to be settled in a job I loved, I was anchored in at my church, I had purchased a cute little house I called home and delighted in decorating.  I had a lot to be thankful for - and I was grateful.  I just was not living the social life I wanted. I honestly wanted to be married and have babies.  But that was not happening for whatever reason.  The single friends I had at the time, were great people, but they primarily liked to go out to bars and drink...a lot...a college mindset and empty lifestyle I felt I was being called to leave behind...but for what? A lifetime of Friday nights at home alone? 

If you have never struggled with being single-- good for you! Count yourself as one of the lucky ones. And just to be clear here, when I talk about being single, I'm not talking about being single during your college years and early 20s when practically everyone you know is single and finding their way in life.  Or you are seriously dating, just not married. Those don't count.  I'm sorry, but it really doesn't where this topic is concerned. Not to say that if that was your story that you did not have your moments of doubt, struggle or wonder, but it is just not even close to the same kind of singleness that I'm talking about here.

I'm talking about those thin years when you realize that you are slowly being left behind by everyone else as they settle down, start families of their own and you just aren't even close to that.  The endless stream of wedding invites, bachelorette parties, shower invitations and holiday cards reminding you over and over again that everyone else's lives are moving forward in the area you want, just not yours.  Those hard years when you search your heart deeply wondering if something is wrong with you, and wondering if you will ever be moving forward toward marriage and family, if that is going to be a part of your story...if that right "someone" even exists let alone if you will ever met them.   Endless setup dates, blind dates wondering and waiting.  And even more painful, pondering what if it never happens? What then?- That is what I'm talking about when I refer to being single. For many (myself included) it's a dark, difficult and often painful season of life no matter when it happens or for how long it lasts.

That is where I had been a year before meeting Joe that summer -lost and very lonely.  But that all changed as I began to receive the gift of new friendships that God lavished on me when I opened my heart. To be blessed with a big beautiful family of friends to love, care for, travel with, celebrate with and lovely new, rich friendships to nurture- well it was a gift beyond measure to a lonely and thirsty heart....a gift best appreciated by someone who knows life without it. God knew this and held this unbelievable gift for me...in His plan.  I just had to practice the courage to step forward with open hands, accept and treasure this gift of a different kind of family he was giving me.  Not my plan, but his- and trust me, he knew waaaay better better than I what I needed then and would need in the years that would follow...including today.   I could not fully see it then, but I completely realize it now.  

 God had gently and graciously led me to two avenues where I met some amazing single people who became like family to me, BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) and Fusion (our church's thriving singles ministry).  Being an introverted person by nature, the thought/idea of meeting a bunch of new people exhausted me (and often still does) before even leaving my house!  The idea of attending social gatherings where I didn't really know anyone and making small talk scared the daylights out of me.  But I knew I wanted community and friends, so I faced my fears and stepped forward into the unknown and was greeted by more love, friendship and fun than I ever imagined.  God gave me a family of friends who were just like me: looking for fun, friendship, adventure, spiritual growth, accountability, and most importantly, people who were single and wanted to honor God with how they waited for marriage and family ... plus, as an added bonus, they were having a blast together in the meantime!

So I eased in...slowly. Like I said, I'm an introvert, so it took me awhile.  But soon, it became easier and easier to go to social gatherings because faces became familiar, stories became shared adventures, I joined a small group of amazing women, and opened my heart.  God blessed that effort (and it was an effort for me at times!) one hundred-fold.  As I became more and more involved in the singles community and started serving, roots began growing and before I knew it, I was anchored.  I was missed if I did not show up somewhere, I was asked some hard questions because I allowed access to some deep areas of my heart where I wanted to change, I was invited places and welcomed no matter the kind of day I had had. People who were once strangers became my friends and those friends then became my family.   

I share all of this because it was friends like these who were with me on this particular trip to the mountains and who still add color and love to my life today.  God was so gracious to me as all of my college and high school friends married, and started families of their own.  He gave me a new family of friends, friendships anchored in Him, with roots that go deep and continue to grow deeper today.  It was a family he made.  He knew I would need these women, these men, these friends, these laughs, these adventures, these life lessons often learned the hard way to see me through not only those days of being single, but far, far beyond as well.  

He knew I would lean heavily on their shoulders and they on mine both then and now. He knew these amazing people would carry me and hold my hand breathing encouragement to me when I did not think I could go one inch further on my journey.  I continue to carry so many memories and remain boueyed by so much love from these amazing friends of mine.  I cannot see my life today without their precious faces, and it is hard to believe that if my life had been according to my plan, I would have missed them completely.  I shudder to even think of my life for one minute without their beautiful faces.  I'm so thankful that I did not give up on my life when I was lonely and depressed in my singleness.  Even though it felt impossible at times, I'm so, so glad I risked and got involved and opened myself up to being known by community. If I hadn't, I would have missed all of this... and by 'all' I mean everything my life is today.

I share this today because telling this story of God's faithfulness in my life is completely impossible without mentioning these people who were around me then and who continue to surround me today. I look back and see the simple daily choices I made to take the road less traveled because it was the right road, not the easy one.  The decision to keep my heart open when I wanted to hide and close it down.  How each little choice toward courage that I made took me down the path toward all of this...I didn't know it then, but I see it now.

My friends are absolute treasures in my life.  I had no idea what I was missing before.  I knew what I thought I wanted, but God knew what I truly needed and in his faithfulness, he gave me a family of friends in a season when I needed them most.   

He knew better.