This morning, I awoke to a whisper in my ear from Joe, "Happy Mother's Day" followed by a sweet kiss on my cheek. We celebrated with a delicious breakfast out, a rose, a tear jerker of a card, a beautiful doodle of hope, and a breathtakingly perfect gift. (I'll share more about that later)- let me just say, he completely captured my heart with his love and care for me today (and everyday).
Today is special because it is my first Mother's Day. My heart has been heavy all week long thinking about what today was going to be like and feel like. I've been on the verge of tears for days, I've been feeling overwhelmed by emotions that swing from one extreme to the other- one minute I'm joyful and thankful and feeling strong and the next I can be wiping tears that feel like they will never stop falling- my heart so shattered that I cannot imagine recovering. It's like that a lot these days for me in this world of motherhood. I'm learning that while my journey and path here have not been the norm, some of what I've been experiencing is- tears, fears, worry, heartache, joy, beauty, hope, laughter, dreams, purpose, story, friendships, vulnerability, raw emotion, exhaustion, community, strength, courage, determination, battles, stolen moments, treasured memories, photographs of a lifetime, feeling blessed, feeling forgotten, feeling beyond all else- completely overwhelmed by LOVE. I'm learning that everything wise women say about motherhood and everything the Hallmark cards write about is true....only times 1,000.
In my difficult journey to celebrating this special day, I've encountered so many dear women who have become even dearer to my heart as friends....All of whom are all on their own paths to this day celebrating motherhood...some of you have been on the traditional path while others of you have been on the anything-but-traditional path. Some of you are hugging your kids as I'm writing, some of you are grieving the loss of your child, some of you are figuring out single parenthood, others are eagerly awaiting your adoptive child to arrive, some of you are struggling with infertility, and others of you are pregnant and counting down the days...motherhood has all shapes and sizes...but one group of women I especially want to acknowledge are the brave, beautiful women who are waiting to find the right man so they can begin trying to begin their own families. You mothers of heart so often pour yourselves out into the lives of others, celebrating births and weddings of your friends while wondering and praying for your own celebration some day...future-to-be motherhood is one of the most painful kinds of 'motherhood' because it requires all the faith you have got to give....and nothing less. You give wondering if you will ever be receiving, you pray wondering if God even hears your cries, you love hoping that someday, the one you love will love you in return and be the right man for you. You gals are especially on my heart today as I know from my own long season of waiting to find my Joe how difficult and painful that waiting can be. So beautiful sisters, know that you are covered with prayer and believe that God has someone special for you who will steal your heart in the most beautiful way.....and just so you know, someday down past the bend in the road ahead, that special person just may be a 4lb 9oz beautiful bundle of joy. So today I'm praying for all of you moms out there- those with children, those without, those waiting for them to arrive, and those trying with all they have to offer, and for those praying and hoping for a family of their own someday. I love you all and believe you to be incredible and beautiful. I know and deeply believe there is hope for all of us and I'm learning that having hope in your heart is life-giving in and of itself. I remain so thankful for the role you have personally played in helping me reach my first Mother's Day.
As I sat crying and looking at photos of Luke this morning, I felt sad, but I also felt overwhelmed by the blessings I have been given through him. From the moment his itty bitty feet started kicking my belly to the moment where I could finally touch and kiss them in person, that little guy and all of his 4lbs 9oz completely took over my heart and stole it away - and I am a better person for it. Being his mama and a wife to his daddy has been the absolute greatest adventure and biggest blessing of my entire life. Not saying it has been easy by any stretch, but it's my story....my path...my journey and those two amazing guys are the ones whom God has placed right beside me and I'm beyond grateful...for both the tears and the laughter, the heartbreak and the overwhelming love they have brought along with them...
Sometimes I daydream about heaven and what it is like and what Luke is doing and I just cannot wait to get there and hold him close to me again as we listen to Jesus telling Luke his life's story and his life's purpose when we are all together again in heaven. Because even though his time here was short, his life truly had a purpose and an impact here as did his presence here in this world. Especially for me. I'm so honored to get to celebrate my first Mother's Day as Luke's proud mama. Even though my arms are empty today with no tiny, sweet little guy named Luke to hold close, thanks to Joe and the love and kindness of so many of you...my heart is unexpectedly overflowing with love....and whispers of hope. I am so thankful. Blessings to all of you.
Sarah, I was hoping you would post on Mother's day. I said prayers for you and my other friends who are a part of the atypical motherhood club. I read your posts religiously, literally and figuratively. You are such an amazing woman. I want you to know that you help keep the hope alive for the unwed... your marriage with Joe is ideal and what I hope to find. Thank you for your selfless prayers for the "mothers of heart" as you so poetically put it. Thank you for your gift of sharing openly your journey.
ReplyDeleteI love your heart so much Sarah. Your words resonate in my prayers and desires for the amazing women I love and cherish who long for children of their own. I know God hears us.
ReplyDeleteHappy Mother's Day to a beautiful, caring Mommy and amazing friend.
Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. I love how you put words together so beautifully. I thought about you all day Sunday. You are a truly wonderful mama to Luke. Looking at his peaceful face in this post, I know he felt the presence of his beautiful Mama and strong Daddy that day.
ReplyDeleteI love your description of our journey here on earth, and how we are all on a different path. I believe that one thing we all have in common, no matter where we are, is this... God is not finished with us yet. We've only seen a small slice of the big pie. And God only knows what discoveries are ahead for us!
Bless you, my friend and Happy Mother's Day!
Sweet friend, only you could send out so much love and hope for others on such a day. Luke is cherished by so many. While I wish with all my heart that I could spend time the two of you now, playing and getting to know him, your hope inspires me to hope for the day when I can hold him, too. Here's to new things, full of paths and streams where there were none.
ReplyDeleteSarah, thank you for sharing your heart once again. I love you, and you are an amazing mom. Happy Mother's Day.
ReplyDeleteSweetest Sarah. You have a beautiful gift with words. You not only pour out your heart in them but pull us all into yours. You,Joe, & Luke are a precious gift from God. What an encourager you are.
ReplyDeleteWOW!! Sarah this needs to be published next Mother's Day. My twin daughters (35) are still part of the waiting for the right man group. They would be blessed if they had a Joe come into their life. He is a special treasure as he confirmed on Mother's Day. While you have endured such pain and sorrow you have both shared Joys rich and rare - not the least in that of rejoicing in your experience of parenting in utero. My favourite comment to an overdue mother was always - are you in one piece or two? You pioneer the meaning of that. The other saying is the best thing you can do for your child is to love his mother/father. You are right at the top of that too. Nothing in God's economy is wasted - you showed that in spades with your Mother's Day post as you recognised every aspect of mothering. If I could I'd be giving you both a great big bear hug - so consider it done(And send me your phone number by message if you ever feel up to a phone visit from tomorrow - LOL We are a day ahead and several hours behind - Middday Sunday here so praying for a special time as you go to Heartland and pass the Lightbox.
ReplyDeleteI'm late reading this post but ended in tears reading it Sarah! You are so beautiful and thoughtful. This post describes you perfectly. You are always putting the needs and hurts of others before yourself. God has a plan for you and for your amazing husband Joe. It is perfect and he will bring it out into completion.....and I believe it as well as a 'future mommy.' It is beautiful people like you which give girls like me HOPE! For that I am thankful. Love you and the beauty you radiate with inside and out!
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