Our Season of In Between....

 
Right now Joe and I find ourselves in the beginning stages of what we are calling our 'Season of In Between'...as in – in between where we have been and where we are headed.  We seem to be continually reminded that we are not in control of our lives but that God is... and he always seems to be reminding us that He has some plans for us that we have no clue about! 

We are no longer feeling neck deep in the acute grief stage, but do not yet feel completely healed (whatever that looks like!)... we are somewhere in between.  We continue moving forward with heavy hearts through our days and lives, but are also somehow now able to think about our future... our future family and continue inching our way toward that beautiful dream we hold dear.  However, we are not quite there yet... we are here in between.... in between sweet Luke and our little future family members.

We are also venturing toward discovering where Joe's new professional home will be.  You see, about a month ago, we were informed that due to some cash-flow concerns at the promising young company where he had been working since last July, they were possibly going to have to make some difficult staffing decisions which would result in several employees needing to be let go.  Joe unfortunately was one of those folks.  While it was a highly amicable parting of ways, it was difficult nonetheless as he was extremely fond of the guys he worked alongside there.  They were absolutely wonderful to our family during our difficult season with Luke.  So effective April 30th, my sweet Joe has been hard at work discovering not only what is ahead for him but also for our family.  It's a lot of pressure and is difficult to handle during this already impossible season, but Joe is pressing in and pushing forward.  I could not be more proud of him.

We are also feeling in between homes in a way.  Prior to receiving the news about Joe's job, we had just started the process of dreaming about and looking forward to finding our next home.  The cozy home where we are now is perfect for two (maybe three if we have a major purge and sell a ton of things).  So, we had decided to be proactive and move to a slightly bigger place before having another baby so as to avoid moving while pregnant or with a newborn baby.  It made sense to us and felt right so after talking about it a little bit last winter, we decided to wait to pursue this dream until we felt like we had truly worked through some of our most intense grief.  So finally in early April after so many long, difficult days of grieving, the ideas and efforts to fix up our place, discovering different neighborhoods and dreaming those beautiful dreams together were just starting to take shape and grow wings.  And it felt good.  It finally felt like we were moving toward something hopeful again and it felt life-giving....and then we found out about Joe's job which brought all of those dreams and hopes to a screeching halt and placed back up on the shelf.  For now.  So that is why we feel we are in between where we are now geographically and where we will be someday.  However, we are so thankful that we were not a few more months down the road in the home buying/selling process when we received the news about Joe's job.  Our little house is still ours, we are not financially over-extended with any bids/purchases on future homes and for that we remain extremely thankful.  We are here and we are fine....here in this in between.

It is always difficult to leave behind what is known, familiar and comfortable to move toward the unknown...but sometimes when you are actually feeling ready to move forward but find yourself forced to camp out and wait for the all-clear-go-ahead signal, the waiting itself becomes the work.  It does not mean you will never get to move forward.  It certainly does not mean you are lazy....and waiting well takes a lot of effort.  Waiting well requires that you access the muscles (physical, mental and spiritual) necessary for stillness and dig deep for the patience you feel you do not possess.  God tells us to be still and know he is God.  It is about hoping with purpose, trusting Him to reveal himself in new ways, praying for direction, waiting and surrendering to the inner peace that is submissive only to His greater plans and purposes.  It is a difficult season for anyone to begin but as Joe and I turn and face this open, unknown road before us, our feet standing firmly in this season of in between, our proverbial bags are packed and ready yet for whatever reason, we must wait....and we will until we feel He calls us to move forward in whatever area He reveals He has prepared for us.  But no matter how long this season lasts, our hearts remain open and filled with hope for what is ahead.