One Month

My Dear Sweet Luke,
    Today you would be one month old.  I dream about what we would be doing together during these days.  I imagine what the sounds of your breath would sound like against my neck and how you would look so cute all bundled up for the winter weather outside.  I imagine we would be having a lot of fun getting to know and understand each other by now.  Oh, Luke....how I miss you.  My body misses you, my spirit misses you and my heart remains completely broken in this loss of you.

It feels like a long time since I've truly smiled.  Tears stream down my cheeks every day as I struggle to move forward without you and each night my pillow is wet as I'm always thinking of you before finally drifting off to sleep.  I ache to hold you and whisper in your sweet ears how much I love you and wish you were here with us.  While knowing you are in heaven provides comfort for me, I selfishly still want you here with us.

Your dad and I talk about you all the time and long to see your beautiful face and snuggle you close.  It feels impossible to miss someone I only knew in person for a few hours and in spirit for a few months, but I. miss. you.  I do not feel like I only knew you for a few hours or months...but Luke, you were someone I instantly recognized as someone I've always been waiting to meet...someone I've always loved.  Ours was an instant connection and I'm forever changed for the better because you are my son.  

Luke, your little, tiny life continues to impact so many people.  Your spirit and story has touched the hearts and lives of so many people and your dad and I weep with joy whenever we hear a story of how you have impacted someone's heart or added meaning to their life's story.  Your life mattered Luke.  When I think of you, I think of how brave you were and how beautiful your strength of heart was to behold.  Your dad and I are SO proud of you.  Not a minute passes when you are not thought of and missed. Our precious memories of our minutes together are treasures your father and I cling to during these difficult days without you.   

There is so much I want to tell you sweet boy, but right now, I only seem to be able to speak in tears.  I long to hold your sweet hand and tell you again and again how much you are loved and so I pray and trust that Jesus will do that for me until we can be together again.

One month we have been apart...one month closer to seeing you again.

I'm missing you my sweet, baby Luke...every day...but especially today.
All my love to you,
Mom