Thursday, October 1, 2009


It's October.  My favorite month of the year.  For me it usually represents the "official" beginning of my favorite season:  fall.  However, this year October means something different to us.  We've decided that October will be the month where we camp out on what Luke's arrival in January will be like and how we would like to experience those incredibly difficult days ahead on our horizon.  Honestly, any time I even begin to think about what those days will be like (his birth, his arrival into our arms, his subsequent passing, saying hello and goodbye in a single moment, making service arrangements...) I can feel myself begin to panic.  My heart races, my eyes well up, my breathing becomes quick and shallow and I immediately begin to desperately feel myself sliding over the edge into complete dispair and fear of not being able to survive it. 

This October Joe and I will be frequently pushing into that difficult place of panic and heartache. Our goal is to plan/arrange for as many aspects of Luke's arrival to his memorial service as we can.  It is going to be a difficult and scary month to say the least, but we hope that by making as many arrangements as we can now, our hearts will be freed up and at least partially released from the fear of what is ahead so that we can celebrate the holidays and our final few weeks of Luke's life with joy and prepared hearts.  We long to celebrate and honor what we have been given, a sweet angel baby. Please pray for courage, peace, comfort, strength and protection.

With Love,
Joe and Sarah

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