Wednesday, June 27, 2012

pride, humility, our house and my ebeneezer- Part 3

our tree...the branch that was on the ground was 40-50 feet long and almost fifteen feet high!

About eight days after putting our house on the market last summer, a big storm (a literal microburst) hit our neighborhood.  We had extensive tree damage which in turn damaged the electrical tower on the side of our house, which ripped out the gutters as it fell down.  Lots of damage, but not to the actual structure of the home, thank heavens!  We were so thankful for our safety, but very discouraged as we had to remove our house from the market for the six weeks that it took for all of the repairs, appraisals, bids, inspections etc. to all happen.  We learned a lot about home repair during those weeks, but my heart was so discouraged as we just sat, stagnant in the moving process yet again.  I could not help but recall my almost flippant prayer prayed mere weeks before asking God to make it clear if we were not supposed to have our house on the market right now....and boy, did I feel like he had answered.  I was extremely discouraged, cranky and impatient as we waited for all of the repairs to be completed.  I could not understand why God seemed to be causing/allowing this process to be so difficult for us-myself in particular.  I am blessed to be married to a very patient and faithful man who has the biggest go-with-the-flow laid back personality I have ever encountered.  The man rarely gets ruffled.  It is a great counter balance to my own nature which is to worry, dwell, order things, plan, control, strive, structure, and prepare...usually in my own strength as I'm learning...(which is an entirely different post for another day!) But you get the idea.  I was dying a slow death emotionally, mentally and spiritually living in limbo like that.  Waiting, unsure of what was ahead, unclear about where we were moving and just stuck waiting on God's timing. I felt completely unsettled and unhappy- And that was almost a year ago now!)

Despite the perceived "no" from God about our timing for having our house on the market, we were under a contract with our realtor, so repairs were completed, and inspections passed bringing us back onto the market in early October just short of two months after the storm - not really the prime season for buying and selling homes in the midwest (think Spring).  (Especially ones with yards sizzled to a crisp after a long, hot, dry mid-western summer and fall!)  In mid-November, we took it off the market for the winter and holidays.  I did not want to try and keep our place looking staged and immaculate over the busy holiday season.  We were still not moving.  I had packed away most of our Christmas decorations thinking that we would easily be in our new place by Christmas- only here we were, still in our little place.  I was disappointed, and honestly a little bit depressed but still determined to try and make the best of it- especially since it was going to be Lily's first Christmas with us.

I immediately felt better when we took our place off the market that November. Especially in the sense that I felt we could finally start living our lives again.  Not having to keep things ultra tidy around the house, not straying too far away from home on the off chance that someone would want to come by and see the house at a moment's notice.  It was freeing to let go of the hope and expectation for things to change.  To not have that disappointment/struggle immediately on my mind all. the.time.  I realized that it was only for the season, but I was enjoying the reprieve.  Looking back on that time, I can clearly see that my relief was so acute because I think I had convinced myself that we had not sold our place because it was not the right the time of year for our house to be on the market...if we just held on for spring, things would move much quicker. I was in control plans. My timing. My strength.   I was so focused on myself, my thoughts, my perceptions, my struggles, that my heart had turned this whole home selling/moving process into no less than idol.  Only I did not realize I had long strayed into this dangerous territory yet.... be continued...

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