Dreaming of a White Christmas...

by Sarah

Well, we have made it to this side of Christmas.  Our holiday was a bittersweet one filled with emotion, tears, smiles, and family.  We stayed here in KC under doctor's orders and enjoyed four solid days of R&R together as a little family.  Joe and I had been talking for over a week about how much we would love for Luke to have his one Christmas be a white one.  However, in KC, those are extremely rare...especially when just two days before the temperature was nearing 50!  But God must have had something special in mind for sweet Luke because it didn't just snow...it snowed BIG TIME!  And not just a couple of inches, but a full on Christmas Eve blizzard that continued on into Christmas day- complete with warnings and the works! It was spectacular and wonderfully cozy.  It looked like something out of a movie or what you would see in the mountains, only we were home!  We received over a foot of snow before all was said and done.

Here is how one of our local weathermen described the event:
 Here is what just happened:

• The biggest Christmas Day snow storm in Kansas City's recorded history
• A blizzard on Christmas Day with 40 to 50 mph winds & heavy snow
• The first 6 inch snowstorm in over four years
• A five day precipitation event with rain, thunderstorms, sleet, and snow
• Four straight days of measurable snow

Not to shabby!  Little Luke got his white Christmas in a very special and memorable fashion!  In honor of the big snow, we took some time as a little family to build a snowman in our front yard- Luke's first.  Well, it started out to be a snowman, but as we were creating his head, we noticed that he was developing two lumps so we made him into a snow-cub.  It was a lot of fun to do that together.  He's still standing watch outside the front door.  The snow seemed to make everything more peaceful and beautiful and quiet...maybe even in our hearts a little bit.  Joe had put up lights on our bushes and those looked even prettier under a coating of snowflakes.  It will be sad to take down the lights - they have added a lot of brightness to our home this season.

We attended two Christmas Eve services, one on the 23rd at our church, Heartland, and one on the 24th at Village Church (where my parents attend). Both were beautifully heartbreaking in their specialness to us.  The traditional singing of Silent Night with lit candles took my breath away with its simple, familiar beauty.  Standing there next to Joe in the candlelit sanctuary with one hand touching my belly in effort to hold Luke as close as possible while listening to the beautiful singing of everyone while the blizzard raged just outside the window was too much beauty for my heart to hold.  The tears and sobs choked their way out and I didn't care.  I tried to take a mental picture to forever capture that moment in my heart. I will cherish those few minutes in my heart every time I hear that song or sing it on Christmas Eves in the future....however, I wonder if they will ever be as beautiful to me as that moment in time was.  Even though I have done that literally more than thirty times, this one was different for me.  It was truly beautiful.   This season I have been profoundly aware of all of the music about newborn babe's, mother and child, joy to the world, music about anticipating the birth of a baby, the specialness of being a mother at Christmastime, the emphasis on the birth of Jesus...I have heard the carols of the season with fresh ears this year and my heart has been penetrated in new ways as these oh so familiar songs have taken on new meaning.  Although, I personally have not felt much joy.  This year I have had a much more personal experience of the season and the reason for why we celebrate Christmas...one I pray never leaves my heart....even though I realize that the catalyst for my deeper experience will be leaving my physical body all too soon.

We spent the night at my parent's house and had a great time playing dominoes with mom until the wee hours of Christmas morning. We loved sleeping over - especially when we woke up the next morning and didn't have to drive anywhere in the less than stellar conditions- we could just wander out to the kitchen and get some coffee and look out at the untouched white snow that was everywhere! The tree at mom and dad's was beautiful and our gift giving was a lot of fun.  Luke was a busy shopper this year, so almost everyone received a little something from him which was fun.

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Now the decorations have been packed away, the tree wrestled out the door and Luke's ornaments placed in special boxes awaiting their return next year.  The house seems empty and almost sad without all of the festive lights and special holiday items around....similar to our hearts.  As this season of Christmas winds down, our hearts feel heavy and sadder by the day as our next difficult season rapidly approaches.  One thing I know is that we will look back on this single Christmas we were blessed to share with Luke and remember it warmly. We will ALWAYS be thankful that this particular Christmas was the biggest white Christmas in Kansas City history and perhaps was a little whisper from God for Kansas City's youngest resident?  Maybe.  Only God knows that for sure.  But in my mind and heart, and the way I will always remember this Christmas is that it was all for Luke.  All the beauty and richness and love our hearts could handle...and then some.