Luke's Birthday - Chapter 2

by Joe and Sarah

Upon being wheeled into the OR for Luke's delivery, the first person I saw was Dr. Nichols. She gave me a nod which communicated to me her presence, her strength, her compassion and her belief that we could do this.  I immediately heard the beautiful melodies of the Nebraska Suite filling the OR and I was completely overcome by the magnitude of the moment. I could feel myself shaking with anticipation; we were finally about to meet our son, Luke.  All of our minutes, hours, days, weeks and months of expecting and dreaming were over and the moment was finally here. I felt scared, excited, hopeful, sad, lost, overwhelmed, flooded by love and, from out of nowhere, a smidge strong.  We were finally going to summit this mountain we had been struggling to climb for the past 10 months....today was the mountaintop.

Having never given birth before and never experienced a c-section surgery, I suddenly felt like my body was on autopilot and had become like a machine.  The doctors and nurses were the expert mechanics for my machine in those moments and I surrendered myself to their complete care.  I was transferred to the operating table to a sitting position, and told to hunch over exposing my back to the anesthesiologist.  He began talking us through what he was about to do.  Joe stood directly in front of me and I held onto his hands for dear life and stared at the bright yellow of his scrubs.  My friends had told me about this part of the procedure and they were right:  it was awful.  Having a giant needle inserted into your spine is just extremely unsettling, I don't care what anyone tells you.  It hurt and it was scary.

I was then told to lay down flat on my back and could immediately begin to feel my lower body growing extremely heavy and numb.  I was strapped down onto the table, prepped, poked (to ensure numbness), hooked up to all sorts of machines and the worst part was that my arms were also strapped down in a crucifix-like position for all of the monitoring of different machines etc.  I was not prepared for that part and when the drape went up in front of my face (to prevent seeing any unnecessary gore) I was extremely anxious.  Everything was in motion and completely in God's hands...we were going to meet sweet Luke in a matter of minutes.

Backing up a little bit in the story, I want to share a few details that were going on at this time as well.  One of the things Dr. Nichols told us we could do was to have some special music of our choosing playing in the OR when Luke was born.  We thought long and hard about what to choose, what melodies and tones did we want him to hear during his few minutes here on earth with us?  In keeping with the obvious beauty of the music we wanted our sweet Luke to hear, we also wanted music that was not super familiar for us in that it would trigger a flood of emotion should we hear it in a department store, while dining out, on the radio or at the dentist etc.  It needed to be very special and beautiful, yet not commonly known.

I remembered back in college listening to beautiful piano music composed by the uncle of my dear friend Amy.  Her uncle, Rick Kuethe, is an incredibly talented musician and composer who had several CDs made of his music and I realized that it could be the perfect choice for Luke.  She loaned us several of Rick's CDs to listen to over the final few weeks of Luke's life.  Both Joe and I felt that Rick's beautiful music was perfect to greet Luke upon his birth and we decided upon the CD titled: Nebraska Suite (since Joe is from Nebraska) and its simple yet gorgeous melodies always made me think of wonderment, beauty and hope.  It would be the truly perfect soundtrack for Luke's birth when our three lives would briefly intertwine for a few precious moments.  So being wheeled into the O.R. and hearing the beginning notes of those beautiful melodies playing took my breath away both in the awesomeness of the moment before us, and the whispers of beauty, hope and wonder with which they filled the air.

 

(We had hoped to be able to post a link directly to the music, but were unable to find anything that didn't require an elaborate download.  But we did find this YouTube video of a random guy playing one of the songs that was playing when Luke was born.  Not what we had envisioned posting, but it allows you to hear some of the beautiful music and get the idea.)

Another aspect of Luke's arrival that we wanted to share before going any farther in the story has to do with his first few precious seconds of being outside of the womb.  During several of our most recent OB appointments, we had spent a lot of time talking through Luke's delivery with Dr. Nichols.  We discussed what could happen, what to expect, what could not be predicted, what couldn't be controlled, what we could do to make things as peaceful for our son as possible, the order of events, the order of where Luke would go when etc.  Every detail had been turned over and over as well as the nuts and bolts of what would be going on physically during the surgery.

Earlier that morning when we were being prepped, Dr. Nichols shared with us something that had been recommended to her by another OB when dealing with babies like Luke.  Initially, our agreed on plan had been for Luke to come out of the womb and straight to Joe for clean up.  That way, every possible second of Luke's life would be with us.  However, that day, Dr. Nichols explained that she was going to try and leave Luke connected via his umbilical chord while she initially wiped him down a little bit before cutting the chord and passing him over to Joe who would finish wiping Luke down.  The thinking here was that while Luke was still connected to me, his life was supported by my body and his few precious minutes of life would not "officially" begin until the cord was cut.  We agreed to go with Dr. Nichols' new plan.

So now, getting back to the delivery/surgery... Joe was positioned to my right near my shoulder.  He sat close, held my hand and kept his eyes locked on mine the whole time.  I was working really, really hard not to cry.  I knew that I did not want to have any amnesia-inducing/calming drugs given to me, so we talked about some of our favorite, peaceful places we had been together.  We took a "walk" through Moraine Park located in Rocky Mountain National Park, "looking" at the rivers, the meadows, our picnic spots, fishing holes, hiking paths, view of the mountains, sunsets and overall beauty of that magnificent place.  We also talked and "walked" along the beaches where we honeymooned....watching the sunrise there, playing cards there, reading, napping in the sun, our afternoons on the beach beds watching people get married ...all of our fun memories there together...and before we knew it, Dr. Nichols was telling Joe to get ready to see Luke be born!  I had made it through the first part of the surgery without any calming drugs needing to be administered. (a miracle!) However, I was in no way prepared for my close encounter with our angel that was about to begin....our sweet son was almost here.

Joe stood up to peer over the drape and was able to watch as his son was born into this world.  I could see the focus and adoration written all over my beloved's face...and suddenly, at 9:22am, the room was filled with the sweetest sounds either of us had ever heard: our baby boy was crying! We had not expected this at all and our personal preparation to give birth to silence had been agonizing.  But God had a surprise in store for us that morning- our sweet Luke was crying! God gifted us with his own music in that room- our sweet son's precious voice.  Immediately upon recognizing that Luke's cries were a true miracle, Dr. Nichols scrapped her initial plan of leaving Luke connected, and quickly cut the chord so that Luke was in his daddy's big, strong hands within seconds.  As the tears began to immediately fall from my eyes, the two loves of my life were quickly back by my side.

Joe placed Luke as close as he could to my face and we were both sobbing looking at our beautiful son who lay crying right before our eyes.  He was absolutely magnificent.  We had been prepared for him to appear smooshed, wrinkly and for his torso to be bell-shaped due to his lack of lung development.  We were ready for him to be "beautiful to us," however, he was completely perfect.  His skin was smooth, his face had miraculously been protected in the fluidless womb and was not the slightest bit smooshed.  His tiny limbs were all in tact, his ten fingers and toes were wiggling and flailing.  His torso was not bell-shaped at all.  He was truly a miracle before our very eyes and we were absolutely in love with our little guy. He was gooey and wrapped in a hospital blanket and had the sweetest, most gentle grip.

The remainder of the surgery was an intense 40 minutes involving lots of stitching and stapling the many layers of my body back together.  Although I was crying uncontrollably, flooded with love and sadness, Joe and I were able to spend the entire 40 minutes pouring into our son which kept me relatively calm.  We gently touched his body, face, head, hair and skin while cherishing every single squawking cry as he "told us" about himself.  We told Luke how glad we were to meet him, how much we loved him, how proud of him we were, how we loved hearing him cry, how beautiful he was...over and over and over again.  We cried over him, Joe was even able to sneak a kiss (he was supposed to be wearing his mask, but he snuck Luke a kiss and then put it back on).

Watching Joe become a father before my eyes was magnificent.  He had always been a wonderful dad to Luke over the months and I never doubted his abilities for one second, but seeing the two loves of my life meet each other for the first time was absolutely beautiful. There are no words to describe it.  I fell more in love with my two guys in those moments than I ever believed possible.  My memories of those moments are flooded with tears and great emotion.  Our beautiful son was here and he was amazing.  I could not wait to hold him in my arms, but had to work on remaining calm and still so the surgery could be completed.  Holding Luke was my motivation- the sooner the surgery was over, the sooner I could hold him.

 

(A nurse in the OR was kind and snapped some photos for us using my camera.)

Being able to be focused on Luke and Joe was another gift from God because I was not paying attention to what was happening beyond the drape where the stitching and stapling was taking place for another almost 40 minutes after Luke's arrival.  The surgery ended without me requiring any calming medications- an absolute miracle!  I was completely overjoyed that Luke continued to cry for us the entire time and his initial few seconds/minutes were stretching into more time together with him than we had ever dared hope. 

The doctors began scurrying around me and telling me that everything was finished.  They rolled me over to clean my back off from where the epidural was placed, they transferred me back to a rolling bed, disconnected me from all of the machines and it was time to go.  Sometime in the flurry of activity, a decision was made to wrap Luke in a different, less-gooey, blanket.  Joe was shown where to bring him and upon setting Luke in the warmer for transfer to his new blanket, Luke opened his eyes for his daddy!  Joe got to see both of Luke's beautiful blue eyes wide open and looking around!  Joe immediately scooped Luke back up and brought him back to me in hopes that I too could see his eyes, but I saw them just as they were closing again.  But what an unexpected thrill for Joe!  I'm so thankful he was with Luke and didn't miss that! 

As I began to be wheeled from the OR, Joe was given permission (against hospital protocol) to carry our son in his arms, down the long hallway, back to our room.  I was being rolled ahead of them, but I could hear Luke's sweet, tiny cries following me down the hallway.  These moments are a blur for me.  I remember finally letting my pent-up sobs burst forth from my body as I was wheeled down the hall...I completely lost it and I didn't care who saw.  (That may be why I cannot really remember this part too well).  My eyes were shut, my body was bawling, my ears were listening for those sweet cries to continue and my heart was partially breaking and partially singing praises to God...all at the same time.

When we arrived back in room 3410, there was another rush of activity around me, getting me settled, plugged in and stabilized medically.  All I could focus on was the sweetest little guy my husband had finally been able to place in my arms...my precious Luke was here and he was finally in my arms on my chest.  Joe was right there with us too and our little family was together.  Joe and I both wept with joy and wonder at the miracle both in our arms and unfolding all around us.  There was so much we wanted to do with our son during these minutes...so much to tell him, so much to capture, so much to remember...cherishing every sweet second....but what I remember feeling most during those precious initial moments was happiness.  I was living my own special miracle and feeling the joy and the love abounding in our room.  Meeting Luke was a true gift from God to both of us.

It was rapidly becoming obvious to us that Luke's birthday had God's fingerprints all over it and was truly a day of miracles for Luke, for us and for our time with him...and some of our favorite moments with our son were still yet to come....