Our Letter to Luke

Our Dearest Luke-

Today is one of the days we hoped would never arrive.  While we certainly would not choose to be sitting here today in this beautiful chapel without you, we know that you will always be alive and with us in our hearts and memories. We have loved every minute of getting to be your parents and wanted to write you this letter to tell you how much you have touched our hearts and lives.

You were prayed for, wanted and loved even when you were simply a whisper of hope in our hearts and finding out we were pregnant with you was one of the most exciting and thrilling days of our lives.  Although we were chosen to be your earthly parents, your heavenly Father is the One to whom you have truly belonged. He created you exactly perfect exactly as you were- no kidneys, no bladder, low fluid and small lungs- perfect in every way for the life and purpose for which He had designed you.

God knew that your time with us would be short long before we did and knew in advance that he was going to use your brave heart to teach us to experience life to its fullest, to expand our ability to feel and to teach us to love more deeply. Luke, God knew that none of us would ever be the same because of you. 

God knew that as you grew, we would delight in feeling you kick and move at various times of the day and night.  He knew we would laugh when you seemed to be dancing around while we listened to a YouTube video about bacon, or how you enjoyed moving during worship at Heartland.  God also knew how much you would love times when your dad would read Calvin and Hobbes cartoons to you.  Your wiggling and continued growth always made us smile with delight.  We loved getting to talk to you and love you as you grew bigger inside your mom’s tummy.

We have been absolutely delighted and honored to get to share some of life’s simple pleasures and moments with you.  We cherished getting to take you with us to the Rocky Mountains, out onto the Tall Grass prairie, on trips to visit family in Nebraska, to our special spot at the Nelson where we got engaged, watching 4th of July fireworks, experiencing the Plaza Lights turn on at Thanksgiving, dining at so many of our favorite restaurants, cheering at a K-State football game, attending weddings of dear friends and family, visiting the farm in Gridley, taking many family photographs of you with us, chasing storms in various locations....Your dad and I loved getting to pick out our first Christmas tree as a family, and getting to have you there with us as we celebrated the holidays.

As much as we tried to embrace each day leading up to your birthday, nothing could have prepared us for the avalanche of love in getting to meet you in person.  God saved up his best surprises and secrets about you for when we got to meet you face to face; you had us truly captivated from our very first glimpse.  He surprised us with the sound of your sweet cries straight from the womb and the gentle grip of your finger.  Your strength of heart and unbelievable courage amazed us as we were blessed to have you with us for more than two hours!  We could not get enough of your soft skin, heavenly scent, gentle whimpers, sweet snuggles and most of all, your beautiful face.  We hope and pray that you were able to hear us telling you how much we love you and are so unbelievably proud of you and how we cherish the fact that you are and will always be our sweet, precious son whom we adore.

You loved us in so many ways; especially with your warrior-like strength and fight to live as long as possible, the touch of your skin, your tiniest handshake, glimpses of your sweet eyes and tongue and with the gift of the sound of your voice. You were a fighter, Luke and we were honored to hold you close and be able to love you every second of your precious life.  We love that our time with you on your birthday was filled with peace and wonder, a beautiful day that was enjoyed to its fullest…an absolute gift.

Luke, we remain so honored to have been chosen to be your parents. We have cherished carrying you with us all of your days and only wish there were more. We are deeply grateful for the memories and experiences we have shared with you.  Luke, through you, God has shown us how richly our family is blessed and has continued to open our eyes to all we have to be thankful for in our lives.

Learning you would not be living with us here on Earth broke our hearts into a million pieces.  You have heard more than your share of crying to be sure! But God also knew way before we did how profoundly our hearts and lives would be forever changed for the better because you were with us for these few hours, days and months.

Because God already knew how special you were, He also knew the Luke-shaped hole you would leave behind when you were gone and how profoundly sad your father and I would be when we couldn’t bring you home to live with us.  However, in His wisdom and faithfulness, God also knew in advance that we would need lots of help and has surrounded us with amazing people who are pouring out their strength, love, encouragement, support and lots of prayer onto us.  So please do not worry about us Luke, our hearts will eventually heal, but we will never forget you.  We hope and look forward to getting to share your story and introduce you to your future siblings and celebrate that we all have a special guardian angel in heaven watching over us.

We named you Luke Cirrus Leimer in honor of the beauty you have added to our lives.  Your middle name, Cirrus, is after our favorite type of cloud.  Cirrus clouds are the beautiful, wispy ones that are located the closest to heaven.  Know that we will be watching the sky every day and when we see those exquisitely fragile and beautiful clouds dancing above us- like the ones we saw on your birthday, we will smile and be reminded of you and how much beauty and love you have brought into our world.  

We love you sweet boy… and to your sovereign Creator, we humbly bow our heads and whisper with all of the strength our broken hearts can muster, simply, “Thank you.”   Thank you for our precious Luke, whom you brought into our lives and for choosing us to be his parents.  We thank you for the overflow of blessings and answers to prayer you gave to us on his birthday.  We thank you for the extra time we were given with him, we thank you for getting to hear his sweet cries, we thank you for his perfect beauty, for his strength, for his gentle touch and for his snuggles. 

Lord, we thank you for sustaining us during this impossible season of life.  We thank you for your faithfulness both good times and bad.  Thank you for expanding our capacity to experience life and love through our sweet son.  We thank you for all of the amazing people and love you have surrounded us with and we thank you for your promise of life everlasting in heaven with you.  Part of our hearts resides in heaven with you now and his name is Luke – whom we cannot wait to see and hold again.

We gave birth and said goodbye to him on January 4, 2010 and until we are able to be with him again in heaven, we will continue to be watching the sky hoping to glimpse some of his cirrus clouds. Thank you, Lord for picking us to love, carry and hold our sweet Luke all of his days.

We love you Luke- and our hearts overflow with our affection- and always will.  Thank you for allowing us to love and adore you.  You have been an absolute gift and we are profoundly honored to have gotten to hold you in our arms- heaven’s newest and sweetest angel.  We love you sweet boy.

With our never ending love and affection,

Your mom and dad