Noticing

I notice....

The way her energy cannot be contained.  

How I love the way she dance-walks-runs toward me with her smile lighting the room..so many times a day. 

The way her imagination explodes beauty into our world.

How she loves her books.

The way he joyfully grabs the spoon and tries to jaw his pureed peas.

The way the sippy cup bangs happy and relentless on the high chair tray.  

The way it seems crumbs, mess and dirty laundry emerge from thin air and pile up everywhere.  

How I love the way they crack each other up.

The way the sun sets lavender and pink behind the empty branches reaching for the sky outside the window while I wash bottles for the thousandth time.  

Twilight is my favorite time of day.

I am slowly and deliciously savoring one of the best books I have read in years...purposely reading only a few pages a day in hopes of making it last longer.

The way a clear kitchen counter goes a long way toward clearing my mind. 

How the sound of a little thumb being sucked by a little head laying on my shoulder is one of the sweetest in the whole world. 

The way water splashed everywhere at bath time is completely worth it for the fun that was had.

How love is spelled t-i-m-e for her little heart. 

The way a flower-shaped flashlight in her hand at night makes her happy. 

The way misshapen pink, frosted cookies are beautiful and taste even better than pretty ones.  

My jeans do not fit me which reminds me I'm not exercising which reminds me my time is not my own which reminds me I'm in a season which reminds me that they will fit me again someday. And I move on.

The way two hour naps fly by and although they sound long, are not really when put into the framework of accomplishing something more than picking up the kitchen, eating lunch and grabbing a quick shower (on a good day).  

How all the same, two hour naps are an absolute blessing to me.  

That beautiful queens (Like Elsa) wear only one braid....therefore she does too. 

The way sparkly shoes go with everything. 

The way crawling is a liberating challenge for everyone involved.   

The way baby smiles with three teeth are the best. 

The way I'm covered in slobber, tears, food, snot and milk most days, most of the time...and I don't even notice.

The way yoga pants are awesome and awful at the same time. 

The way he delights in grabbing my hair that rests on my shoulders, tiny hands pulling hard. 

The way baby fingernails grow fast on little, busy hands.  

The way she was born to be a big sister.

The beautiful way little brothers adapt and accept the craziness of big sisters being "funny" all around them.  

The way she delights in teaching herself to read.  

How I'm working on owning certain opinions that I have about things.

The way she has no idea how much she teaches me. 

The way most days I feel defeated, unseen and blessed all at the same time.  

How I often feel disconnected and hidden behind the walls of my home where I live with two littles who require my life and what feels like every ounce of my energy. 

The way I think little kids in glasses are adorable.

How the days where I get to drink half of my cup of coffee are considered good days. 

The way some days my ever-present grief can still swallow me with no advance notice. 

How deeply I admire her budding inner strength and self-awareness.

The way most days I don't know where to start or more importantly how to start again.

The ways I'm quietly trying to start again anyways.

How time all by myself is difficult to find but essential to my well-being. My husband knows and respects this about me and I am beyond lucky to be loved and known in this way.

How I adore my family- beyond words.  But sometimes I secretly dream of going to a beach resort by myself and staying for weeks with only books for my companions.

The way she invented a funny language that is all her own- and she cracks herself up being funny.

How sometimes I belly laugh and it makes me cry big heart tears.

The way she loves Prince Hans of the Southern Isles with her whole heart ("when he's nice!")

How deeply I want the innocence of childhood to last forever.

The sweet way she practices growing her conversation skills. 

How deeply I adore that he is her biggest fan and she his.

The way it is easy for my days and weeks and months to blur together- beautifully difficult and good. 

The way consciously re-learning and re-remembering how noticing beauty anchors my soul in moments I never want to forget.  

The ways I try to love the best I can- every day.  

How my husband tries to show me that I am known and loved- every day.

The way holding hands makes me feel safe.

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God is in the business of making all things new and I am thankful for the way He is inviting me to pursue change in my life- even though it will require my diligence and energy I often feel I don't have to give.   

I'm on a journey of becoming someone new- someone the King dreamed me to be.  I often feel lost and less than that daughter....more often than I care to admit...especially lately.  It is a battle - this noticing and deep honesty.  But, I'm remembering from my past, that by developing the discipline of noticing the gifts found deep in the moments...especially the difficult moments, I will also be able to claim victory in the battle for my thoughts, my heart....my life.  And I absolutely want to live a victorious life.

So today, I will start by noticing....