Top 10 Lessons I Learned During My First Year of Hands-On Motherhood

1.  It’s sooo much more than I even dared imagine.  More fun. More tender. More joyful. More challenging.  More messy.  More life-giving. More beautiful.

2.  Being a stay at home mom does not mean you have time to accomplish all you imagined you would have time to accomplish.  For example: housework, laundry, dinner prep, exercise, time to see/visit friends...in fact, its amazing all I DON’T seem to accomplish in spite of the fact that I am home all day.

3.  I really did ease up on the whole germ-phobic perspective.  Everything used to have to be wiped down, washed off, sterilized or thrown away if a toy was on the floor for even a second.  In the reality of living with a one year old, lets just say, my perspective of what “dirty” looks like is a little different now.

4.  The napping schedule trumps all.  I was not prepared for this.  I knew from reading that good baby sleep is essential and plays a role in who your child becomes as well as how they learn, and was remain committed to do all I can to support this for Lily from my end of things.  I would do it all again as Lily is a sweet, easy tempered, patient, go-with-the-flow type of child who plays independently and well with others- all things I would never trade for more social time for me.  However selfishly, adhering to this schedule was still difficult and at times, felt (and often still feels) isolating for me just the same. This lesson gave me a greater appreciation for Lily's sweet temperament and for activities outside of our house!

5.  Every single relationship changes when you have a baby.  I was not really prepared for the reality of this one either.  Cognitively I “got it” - I knew my life would look different after she was born. Some of my friendships have deepened, others have shifted in priority level, while others have even faded. I did not want to be one of those moms who just disappeared from the radar never to be heard from again...but the reality of new priorities, time constraints and energy levels changed that perspective for me.  To some I probably am that person who has disappeared and I’m working on being okay with that.   There are still times when the pleaser in me rears her head triggering an avalanche of guilt and “shoulds” and worries about what others think or will say, but I am learning that I just simply have to let that go- as difficult as that may be. I just cannot be the kind of friend I want to be to all of the people I would like to be friends with...and that is okay.  My life is different now. I’m different now and the way I choose to spend my time and who I want to spend it with reflects that. 

 6.  A lot of love and healing can grow when your heart is open.  When Lily was born, my broken heart was simply overwhelmed by the flood of love that arrived with her.  There will always be an ache in my heart for Luke, for what is missing or what I wish could have been.  However, the radical joy Lily’s life and presence brings to mine continues to transform the eyes of my heart minute by sweet minute and day by beautiful day.

 7.  Everything really is more special through the eyes of a child.  Holidays, errands, outdoors, simple things like paper cups and remote controls, meals, bath time, birthdays, family, discovery, music, travel, flowers, lights, ceiling fans, books....the list goes on and on.  I have found it to be true that children move at the speed of discovery and if I slow down and take the time to discover along side of her, there are abundant joys along the path hidden away for me too.

 8.  God uses simple things and little people to teach big life lessons.  This has been a year of surrender for me.  Surrender of control over my time, appearance, social life and goals.  My heart now toddles around outside of my body and God continues to use her life to teach me about his love for me, unwarranted grace, humility, gratitude, patience, as well as the disciplines of surrender, trust, faith and hope.  Big lessons all thanks to a sweet little gal.

 9. The little things really are the big things. It’s the quiet moments in the middle of the night.  It’s an extra, unexpected snuggle.  It’s a tiny hand holding mine.  It’s a smile full of half-grown-in teeth.  It’s first steps taken.  It’s our little conversations that only she understands.  It’s a catnap together in the afternoon.  It’s baby snores.  It’s a full night’s sleep.  It’s an empty bottle.  It’s reading books together.  It’s wind in her hair...these are just some of the little things that flood my memory in a big joyful way from this first year with her.

 10.  This is not as easy as it looks.  Some women just make this look easy.  Their kids are clean and happy.  They themselves look fit, polished and put together.  They have makeup on and their clothes are stylish.  Their hair is curled and styled.  They are early or on time.  They bake.  Their homes are comfortable and uncluttered.  They have time for creative expression and appear well rested.  I know this is all a myth, but trust me, there are times when these mystery women seem VERY real.  This year, I realized that I am not destined to be one of those people.   It does take a village of great friends and family to look after Lily when we need a break.  Sometimes (most times now) it takes a wrestling match to change a diaper or an outfit.  It takes a lot of planning in order to go anywhere.  It takes lot of coordination to get anything accomplished.  It takes a lot of multi-tasking. (period!)  It takes a lot of stuff when you travel with a baby.  It takes a schedule to raise a flexible baby who can tolerate a deviation from time to time.  It takes a network and community of other mothers who can provide  listening ears, empathetic hugs and encouraging words like no others can.  It simply takes a lot of encouragement from others, grace from above and kindness toward myself to even scratch the surface on doing this motherhood thing well. It is not as easy as some make it look, but it is definitely the most fun I have ever had in my life!

Thank you to my sweet Joe, my angel baby Luke and my beloved Lilybug for loving me and showing me the Lord's grace as I worked to gain my footing on this path called motherhood over the past couple of years.  I know it has not always been pretty, but you make me feel beautiful and I'm beyond grateful for you.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you moms out there!