Sweeping the Dirt Away...

Sweet Lily loves to clean- to get this photo, I surprised her in the act while we were in the mountains...

Today we took down our Christmas decorations- well, most of them anyway.  We dusted, swept, vacuumed, rearranged, and re-decorated for another season.  As I took down Santas, candles, greenery, Christmas trees and ornaments, I was struck by how much dust and dirt "pretty things" can hide.  It got me thinking of how people are similar...how we may look pretty and semi-together on the outside when really, just behind the surface and sparkle, we are all in need of a good cleaning that brings forth transformation and a fresh, clean start.  The best way to get rid of both our literal and figurative dirt is to actually notice it, acknowledge it, and do something about it. 

That is what this post is about.  My New Years Cleaning.  I'm sweeping the dirt from 2012 out the door and scrubbing my heart clean with the help of Jesus in effort to welcome 2013 into a life with a transformed perspective.

Typically, I love looking back at the end of a year in reflection on all of the accomplishments and joys I've been blessed to experience.  I enjoy ordering my memories and thoughts about the previous twelve months in my mind and heart allowing myself to close the door on them so I can fully swing open wide the door for the new year with great hopeful anticipation for all that is ahead. But this year has been different.

 In this season of my life, I find myself not having too much time to sit and ponder things the way I typically enjoy and I'm sad that this new year has snuck up on me without the "proper" time to reflect.  Here I sit not feeling ready to begin a new year, and yet, here I am somehow already in it.  Yet, part of me also wonders if I have somehow allowed myself to be "snuck up" upon because I simply don't want to face or reflect upon the ugliness and difficulty of this past year.  I don't know, its honestly, probably a little bit of both.

I admit, I'm happy to have 2012 behind me.  I started with a lot of hope, but as the days, weeks and months passed, I pretty much felt as if I was hanging on for dear life.  Not to be overly dramatic, but aside from our first year of marriage when I was pregnant with Luke, 2012 was my most difficult and personally disappointing year to date.  Challenges, doubts, struggles, tears, worries, fears, disappointments, toddlerhood, frustrations, setbacks, insecurities, mistakes, unpacked boxes, messes, tiredness, shaken faith, unread books, failures, and unmet expectations were wildly mixed in with joys, laughter, giggles, fun, our lovely new home, answered prayers, muscles, my beautiful little gal, my beloved hubby, vacations and lots of good old fashioned healing love.  It's why my blog has been both quiet and all over the place this past year...I have been too.   I fear I have lost a bit of myself amidst the struggles of this past year.

I feel like I have shaken and shifted and adjusted and morphed and fashioned myself into whatever/whoever was needed around here to make things run smoothly- and had absolutely nothing in the tank left to offer anyone else- especially myself or God.  I forced myself forward more times than I want to admit and I was anything but intentional where being our family manager is concerned. I consider it a failure on my part in my most primary of roles.  Yes, we all survived, but I was hanging on by mere threads for most of the time-think lots of wings, prayers, might and good intentions.  Budgets were busted, meals were not planned, bills were late, errands forgotten, laundry remained unfolded, lists not made, relationships dropped, housework undone...care not taken.  (See what I mean about lots of personal, ugly year-end dirt to acknowledge?)  

Last year, my faith trembled and I lost sight of not only who I am and who I want to be-but most importantly the woman God created and is calling me to become.  I know that sometimes comes with the territory of being a wife and a mother, but a big part of my heart knows that it does not always have to be this way and that I was (we all were) created for so much more than these empty feelings of constant defeat, doubt and failure.  I know this, but I have not been living as if I believe it...and well, there is a BIG difference. 

Forever feels like an appropriate word to describe how long it has been since I have felt inspired and energized by something -anything- outside of my day to day responsibilities.  I desperately want that to be different this next year.  I want to be sitting here at my little computer next January first in amazement and wonder at the difference I feel in my spirit and heart about my life and level of energized inspiration compared with how I am feeling today.  Truthfully, there is nowhere to go but up.

I have so much to learn and so much wisdom from women around me to pull from that I am finding myself excited about the possibilities for personal and spiritual growth this next year.  I have before me (by the sheer grace of God) another blank slate of a year.  I do not know the number of my days, but I do know that I have been given this one and God willing, another tomorrow to continue to try and grow and change.  If this past year is any indication at all, I know I have got to fully surrender and confess that I cannot do this on my own strength, but fully rely on the One who sets captives free. (Isa 61)  Only He can change me, I surely cannot.

Today I am driving a stake in the ground right here.  Right now.  No more backsliding.  No more scrambling.  No more half-way, or making due, and no more good enough.  No, this next year is about being brave.  It's about unearthing my heart from the ashes and clearing the way for beauty.  This next year is about finding my sparkle again.  It is about pursuing and choosing joy.  It is about passion.  It is all about being courageous and intentional. I want this for myself...I want it for my daughter.

2013 is about cracking open my heart toward joy and life again instead of wallowing in bitterness and regret.  It is about accepting and living in the freedom I have already been given from all of this bondage.  It is all about walking by faith and not by sight. (2 Cor 5:7)  It's going to be about changing perspective and re-training my heart to move toward beauty and gratitude in whatever shape they may take- even when times are difficult...actually, especially when times are difficult.  The pressure applied by God as he refines and makes me into the woman He desires me to be is the only way my soul can be cleaned, healed and my true sparkle returned.  Thank you, Jesus that you never give up on me.  Here is to a bright, shiny, clean and sparkly New Year! 

An Old-Fashioned Family Christmas

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here!  Almost every year for the past twenty years, my family has traveled to the mountains for Christmas.  It is without a doubt my favorite time of year.  My mom has a magical touch when it comes to decorating for the holidays and our cabin is always extra cozy and
Christmas-y.  

Each year, we save up our time off so we have some extra days to spend here around the holidays.   Those days leading up to Christmas are filled with excitement and there is something extra special about a white Christmas.  Snow blankets the world in quiet and peace as we step away from the noise of our lives and the busyness of our days to reflect, ponder and rest.

Each year, our anticipation grows as we look forward to sledding, hot cocoa, warm cider, games, delicious meals, naps by the fire, days spent in pajamas, walks outside, Christmas movies, homemade sweets and of course lots and lots of snow!  

Since arriving, we have had over a foot of fresh snow fall, and there are predictions for a big storm on on Christmas Eve with expectations of at least ten inches or more still to fall!  

It goes without saying that there is no place I'd rather be!  

May your days be merry and bright...and may all your Christmas' be white!

Our 2012 Holiday Greeting

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

 This year we had every intention of getting a fun holiday card out into the mail, but it just did not happen!

 So instead, we are sending a little online holiday love your way.  We hope you understand!

 

I am learning that it is becoming increasingly challenging to capture our little gal with my camera the way I would like! She is super busy and loves to check out everything going on around her....ie she does not like to sit still and pose despite all of mom's best efforts!  We continue to be amazed at the gift of her life and grow in thankfulness for all of our blessings with each passing day.

 She is on the move, has lots of opinions about what she wants and does not want to be doing and did I mention that she is on the move??  She is our biggest helper and brings loads of fun with her everywhere she goes.

Lily is 19 months old now and bursting with loads of sweetness along with little dashes of spice which keep things interesting around our house! 

And we are loving her more every minute!

We pray your homes are warm, happy and filled with laughter this holiday season. 

  May brightness and merriment illuminate the true gift of Christmas in your heart.

With lots of love and holiday cheer from our family to yours. Warm wishes for a Merry Christmas and a joyous 2013! 

Heartbroken

It has been nearly a week since tragedy struck Sandy Hook Elementary school in Connecticut.  I have not had any words to express my sorrow here although I have thought of and prayed for those sweet faces and their families several times a day since.  It terrifies me to think of that kind of crazy evil in the world- where precious little innocent hearts are taken on the whim of a mad man.  

I pray that those precious children knew how much they were and forever will be loved.  I pray that they recognized their parent's love for them despite possible hurried words uttered while rushing out the door for school that Friday morning.  I pray that they were ushered quickly into the arms of Jesus and away from that horrible scene.  I pray for those students and teachers who will forever walk with their memories of that horrific day.  I pray for the families who will have one giant gaping hole in their holiday celebrations this year and every single year to come.  I pray for hearts of mothers who can never recover what was taken from them last Friday morning.  I pray for households filled with the silence of a life that ended too soon.  I pray for those whose hearts are dangling by a thread over a pit of unthinkable despair.  I pray for a community whose sense of safety and comfort has been forever shattered. I pray for the first responders who had to walk into that tragic scene not knowing what they would find only to discover the worst possible scenario.  I pray for all of us in our society that we would find value and treasure the innocence of our children and do everything we possibly can to fiercely guard it against the evil so intent and desperate for its destruction.  

I thank God that he is a God who sees, who loves, who comforts, who avenges, who remembers, who restores, who renews, who loves children and who is always present with us, even (and especially) in the darkest of moments.  It is when the dark seems the darkest that light shines the brightest.  Thank you, Lord Jesus.  Please come back soon.

Where we live...

 In addition to lots of time spent in Lily's playroom, we also live in these rooms...

This is a look into where we spend most of our time as a family.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, one of our most favorite parts about our new home is the open floor plan.  This is our family room taken from the kitchen.  As you can see, there is a TON of natural light which makes the room bright and cheerful even when its cloudy outside.  There are two built-in bookcases and cabinets on either side of our fire place and I LOVE having a mantle!  Over the years, we hope to advance our ratio of "adult" furniture that we pick out and purchase ourselves to hand-me-downs, but for now, what we have and have been given is more than enough!  It is a very comfortable space to spend time.

Here is a peek at my mantle.  I kept things pretty simple this year as I had never had a mantle to decorate before, so I used what I had and enjoyed playing around with where things might go.  Our finances were tight with just having moved, so I did not purchase anything new other than the large letters above the mantle itself.  I think I spent a total of $6.  Leading up to Halloween, I had a fall colored garland across the mantle and a Jack-o-lantern there in the middle.  For Thanksgiving, I just put up my two little turkeys and a cornucopia.  It will be fun to see how my decorating style evolves and emerges over the years in this fun new space!

This photo is taken from the fire place looking back toward the kitchen.  As I mentioned, we have an open floor plan that allows wonderful flow between the two rooms and allows you to still feel included and involved in what is going on even when you have to fix dinner or do something in the kitchen. 

Here is another glimpse into the kitchen from a different angle.  Lots of windows and wonderful light.  I have tons of design/decor ideas for our kitchen as well.  It may be awhile before we can dig in and really make it the way we would like, but perhaps some smaller steps in the coming year.  We'll see.  It is so nice to have all of this space!

Some more wonderful light on our stairs leading up to the bedrooms.  We have the shade pulled up a little bit because our neighbors have three dogs and Lily loves to look out the window on our way up to see what the dogs are up to in their back yard.  Most of the time they are sleeping in the sunshine, but she loves to check on them!  It never gets old.

One of Lily's favorite features is the little opening up behind the chair here in this photo.  You can see part of the window from the landing on the staircase that I just showed you in the photo above.  She loves to wave to whoever is in the family room, say "good night" to any and everything on her way up to bed and to have one last glimpse of the Christmas tree before she turns in for the night.  It is a really cute little ritual that she has developed...  I have visions of little peeks out from that space in the future with a little gal asking for one more drink of water, just one more story...

We also have a dining room on our main floor, but right now we don't have any furniture in there so hence no photos.  Right now, it is a room where some boxes still remain (mainly of wall decor and some of the final 15% of STUFF that just never seems to find a place... ugh!)  While I dream about hosting family and friends for dinners and holidays someday, I am also really enjoying just having some empty space around for the first time in a very long time.  In fact, probably ever. Call me crazy, but I like it!

Hope you enjoyed these glimpses into our home.  We have not done Lily's room yet, that is high on the list for 2013.  I am sure I will post some photos as we dive into that project.  My apologies for not having the beautifully staged photos I had envisioned, but my life tends to be pretty messy and clutter-y these days.  I'm working on it, but also keeping things and expectations realistic!  Making a house into a home is an ongoing journey and one I'm beyond thrilled to be on with this place!  Thanks for stopping by and for being so encouraging and patient with me!

Counting down to Christmas...

Holiday lights twinkle outside our doors and windows, our tree is decorated, our mantle Christmas-ified and shopping is in full swing.  In spite of all of the busy-goodness of the season, may we remember to be slow enough for snuggles, open to smiles, ready for games, eager for books read again for the millionth time, patient for spills, excited for giggles, prepared for new milestones, braced for delight and grateful for moments of presence.  

We forget these gifts that remain warm in our hearts cannot be bought or wrapped and more importantly that He- the King of extraordinary in the ordinary- is found in these true gifts for the heart.  For they are the best gifts of all and they abound only when we slow down enough to receive them. I'm trying to simplify and slow down this holiday season.  Will you join me? 

May we all delight in the unwrapping of gifts for our hearts this holiday season.

Lily's Playroom

Here are some glimpses of Lily's playroom.  One of the features on my list of ideal "would love to have-s" when I was looking for our future home was a formal living room.  Not for formal gatherings, or use as a "show room" that you didn't really every use, but to use as a playroom for Lily.  I really wanted her to have a space to play in that was not the main living area in our house.  I wanted it to be nearby the kitchen and where we would be, but not necessarily have those rooms taken over by toys.  I wanted her to have a place that was hers to mess up, play in, create in, and where her imagination could run wild.  Our living room is not a super huge room (hence, hard to get great photos), but it is perfect for a playroom.

Many of the homes we looked at did not even have a formal living area, but our new home has one and so far, Lily LOVES it.  (And so do I!) She especially loves it if we are in there with her.  It's really cute, she will come and stand beside us and point to her playroom to let us know she wants us to go in there and play with her.  LOVE it!

I have done nothing to it so far, other than move some of her toys in, but I have some big ideas for this space in 2013...

looking up at the top of the windows

 It has floor to ceiling windows, which are fantastic because it gives Lily a place to look outside and see what is going on in the world around her.  She loves to watch the older neighborhood kids playing across the street, dogs walking by, passing cars, sprinklers, Christmas lights and birds in the trees.  It seems that the window treatments were custom made several years ago and I'm sure are very nice, but I'm not in love with them, so that will be something that changes...

Our ceilings are all 12 feet high, which we love.  Another feature we are excited about is every room has beautiful crown molding around the ceilings and doorways.  Each room is finished very nicely.  The house is painted in very nice, neutral colors, so we are not feeling desperate to change any of them, just excited!

The playroom faces east, so every morning it is flooded with beautiful morning sunshine...

 Right now, there is a chair in there for adults (which is going to be moving to a different location soon) and also a giant cabinet that is filled with some of my pretty things which is also going to be moved to a different location very soon to make the room more kid-friendly.  

Lily's "purse" hanging on the cabinet doors...

I have ideas for new paint, wall decor, window treatments and of course some new toys for little Lily to play with...it is crazy how fast kids outgrow their stuff!  She is in no way "needing" new toys, we have a tub that I rotate her toys through as it is, but there are just some she prefers over others and she is growing so big so fast! Our little gal still LOVES reading her books.  That activity never gets old! Thank goodness for libraries!

 I have a feeling Santa will be bringing some items for this room as well!  I'm very excited to make this room a special kid-friendly place to play.  It will be fun to compare some before and after photos someday! 

So far, we have been spending a TON of time in the playroom which has been a blast!  We love that Lily enjoys playing in there too!  It is wild how quickly this room goes from picked up (in the morning) to complete disaster (about 10 minutes after she gets in there)! *Note: These photos were taken before she woke up, hence it appears somewhat put together.