An Adoption Update: How it all Works- Being "Active" and Waiting

It was around this past New Years that we became what is referred to in the adoption world as "active."  This means, you have all of your paperwork completed, background checks done, all 'i's dotted and 't's crossed.  It had taken us four solid months to complete the paperwork, our home study, all of the applications, contracts, our profile and were now just waiting for something to happen.  We were told at the beginning of this process, that the wait can be anywhere from two days to two years.  We have known many who have waited many months and years, so we were prepared for and anticipating a long wait.  

However, we were shocked when we received a phone call less than ten days later about what is called in the adoption world "a situation."  How it worked for us with our consultants was that when they would come across a situation that fell into the criteria we had specified for our family, they would contact us to see if we were interested in having our profile presented to the birth mother for consideration.  Birth mothers are presented anywhere from two to twelve profiles at a time that they go through to make their choice for the forever family for their child.  Depending on circumstances (has the baby been born already? or is the baby is due in a few months), they have a few hours or days/weeks to make a decision. 

We were completely SHOCKED that a situation had popped up that quickly and to say we were unprepared is a masterful understatement.  We ended up not being chosen, which was emotional, but also a little bit of a relief in that it highlighted how unprepared we were should we have to travel immediately to another state to meet and bring home our baby.  This experience of presenting for the first time led to a massive undertaking of organizing baby clothes, finding some (we only have a few) gender neutral baby items, the car seat, baby gear...you know, stuff that we have not needed or used in years that was just stored in the basement when we moved.  It felt good to get things ordered and washed and prepped for easy packing should the need arise.  It was also something I could "do" as opposed to just passively waiting.

Since that first presentation back in January, we have presented three other times and have not been chosen.  While it is always difficult to get your hopes up and have your name not be called, we both have felt tremendous peace each time.  We believe and trust that God's hand is in this and that when the situation is right, the doors will just open and we will be chosen.

I have had many people ask me if the waiting and not knowing is hard.  And my answer is yes and no.  Yes, its hard to wait and not know if the next time your phone rings or you check your email, there will be a message that will change your life forever.  But it is also not hard to wait because it is not like when you are trying to get pregnant where you have a defined timeline before you.  Try here...wait this long...find out.  Repeat.  Over and over.  That roller coaster is a nightmare of heartache, hope and emotion.  Waiting for adoption, is a little bit more peaceful.  It is just so unknown and abstract that you cannot help but get on with your life because you have no absolute date where you will know something.  It can literally happen any time, so you just keep going and find yourself pleasantly surprised by hope along the way. 

The waiting while you are presenting is a bit challenging.  I am rather obsessive with checking my phone and email during that time, but otherwise, it is all about trusting God.  Believing that He is working and moving things into place in just the right time for His plan to work out....all while not being able to see any of it.  There are days when I find myself feeling rather impatient.  Thinking about how fun it would be to have a baby around the same ages as all of my friends who are having their latest rounds of little ones. Having no control.  Feeling left out and forgotten by God.  Worrying that Lily continues to get older while there is no glimmer of a sibling for her on the horizon.  It is hard.  

But I know God is moving even when I cannot see or feel it. I trust and believe that.  A friend of mine once wrote something to the effect of if the story God is telling with your life is not good yet, it is because He's not finished with it yet! I'm clinging to that hope as we hold on for a good ending!