New Things

Today is my birthday.  I'm not mentioning that in hopes of eliciting well wishes, but because it marks the beginning of a brand new year of my life.  I woke up this morning at 5:15am to the sound of some quiet whimpers from Lily as she entered the day a bit on the early side.  As I lay there in the dark with the fog of sleep falling away, I began counting my gifts.  A warm bed, a loving husband, a peaceful home, a healthy baby full of smiles and energy, food in our cabinets, clothes to wear, a body that moves, a mind that can think, friends all over the country, on and on my list went.  As I took my shower, the tears of thankfulness fell warm.  I have a beautiful life.

I feel as if this past year was completely and understandably consumed with the preparation for, the anticipation of, and the dedication to caring for and loving my sweet, beautiful daughter.  There was not a lot of extra time, space or room for anything else in my heart or mind.  So as I prepare my heart for this new year in my life, I have made a little list of things I want to challenge myself to accomplish.  They are not going to change the world, but they will keep me pushing forward and challenging myself to grow, be and become.  Some things on the list are 'tasky' while others are creative (a side of myself I have long been desiring to grow).  Some are things I have never done before and others are things I simply want to do more of.  Some list items are solo pursuits while others are more social.  But what they all have in common is that they require from me intentionality, energy, courage and effort which challenges me to not just sit back and let things happen, but to actually make things happen!

I'm excited to try new activities, taste new foods, share new experiences and go to new places!  The new adventure begins today! Hooray for fresh starts, personal challenges and new beginnings!

Here is my list for this next year: (not in any particular order)

1. Make my own pasta.  Awhile back I bought a rather fancy pasta maker on sale and have never used it.  I want to use it to make several different types of pasta and then serve it up with friends.

2. Process things.  For Christmas, I received a killer food processor that I had been eyeing for a long time.  Right now, I use it to puree any and everything (so it seems).  So this year, I want to (at least once or twice) figure out how to and then use every feature it has (which is a lot!)!  It will be so fun! (I know, its rather nerdy but who cares!)

3. Take a complete day for myself.  Sounds selfish, but I think it would be deeply restorative for my soul.  I want to have a day where I get up, work out, go to a coffee shop and write for awhile, get a pedicure and read my book, perhaps a facial or massage too (why not, right? I mean, since this is the dream day!) Eat lunch out in a yummy restaurant and read my book, go see a movie in the theater by myself... you get the idea.  Just a day free of responsibility and all to myself.

4. Take a weekend trip with my family to somewhere we've never been before.

5. Tackle my fear of photoshop.  I have never used it, am afraid of it, well intimidated is a better word and would love to learn how to tweak and improve some of my photos with ease.

6. Take more photos.  I do not just mean with my phone!  I long to really "see" my life and long to capture the beautiful moments that steal my breath.  It takes effort, practice, coordination and intentionality and now is the time!  I will be clicking away this year!

7. Redesign Lassoing.  This has long been on my mind and my to-do list.  I love blogging and our little blog is long overdue for a fun face lift.  I have been researching blog designers (because that is not my skill set, nor is it something I have the time to learn right now) and have got things narrowed down.  I've got my money saved up and I'm truly excited for Lassoing to reflect the light, happiness and joy we have in our lives.

8.  Finding my "Likes"- There is the saying that "like attracts like"- meaning if you are kind, you will attract kindness, or if you spend time doing things you love, you will meet others who love the same things.  That is what I want to challenge myself with this year.  To reach out and connect with others in my "Likes."  I'm referring to blogging, photography, creativity in home decor/design, motherhood, personal growth/inspiration, cooking etc.

9.  Learn to paint and refinish furniture.  It sounds crazy and to many- so simple.  Yet for me, it feels big, and challenging and scary. (I mean, what if I ruin it forever?) I read countless blogs where these amazing and talented women do this and make it look easy.  In the back of my mind while reading and seeing their work, I always have the thought, "Oh, I can do that!" but then when it comes down to actually doing it, I chicken out.  So mark my words, this is the year!

10.  Be more crafty.  Pretty vague, huh?  Well what this means is to actually DO some of the projects that I have printed off, saved, pinned and dreamed of doing.  I'm not a crafty gal by nature, but I always enjoy it when I am doing them.  So... brace yourselves!

11. Read more.  This one is on every new years list I make.  I love to read, always want to challenge myself to read more and I have a couple of shelves full of books I have not yet read.  Life is too short not to read good books!

12. Cook new meals!  I try to do this pretty regularly, cook something I have never cooked before just to keep myself challenged in the kitchen.  Ever since we got married, Joe and I have loved to do this together.  It has been a great way to experiment with different kitchen gadgets, foods and cookbooks.  I have several cookbooks I have been wanting to cook from and this is the year!  My desire is to cook healthy foods that are also delicious, so if I come across any that are cannot miss, I will be sure to share them!

13.  Blog more.  I seriously love blogging.  You probably cannot tell it by my infrequent posts, but I really do love it.  This topic is one that I have been thinking about for a long while now.  When this blog started, it quickly became a vehicle to share our story with Luke and all that was going on in our lives during that difficult season and has gone on from there.  It was a wonderful outlet for my heart at the time and reminded me of how much I love to write.  I (we) will be forever grateful for the love, friendships, comments, emails, feedback, encouragement and prayers that we have received through this blog over the past two and a half years.  I have truly been blown away by all of the goodness that has flowed into our lives from Lassoing.

A challenge in blogging (of my own making) have been my own expectations for myself around blogging.  Everywhere online I see people who post these amazing, inspiring and beautiful blogs - DAILY.  They have powerful words and beautiful photos. I have felt the pressure to do that myself and have fallen into the trap of comparison and have at times felt like a failure as a result.  So, I'm pushing into the freedom from unrealistic expectations and am committing to posting here at least twice a week.  My posts won't be perfect and my photography as I stated above is constantly a work in progress, but they will be genuine. 

Another one of my big blogging struggles has been how to move forward here on Lassoing as we move forward out of our difficult season in life.  I have worried that people will no longer want to read if I am not writing long, sad, emotion-filled entries about our struggles.  It sounds crazy, but I have worried that people won't like me unless I'm sad.  I have worried that I write about Lily too much.  I have worried that I no longer know how to write and that God just gave me words when I needed them back in our season of Luke.  I have worried that I have nothing left to say that anyone will want to read.  I have worried that my posts are too random.  I have worried that our blog does not really have a specific niche, I have worried that people wont want to read now that we are happy.  On and on and on my worries and insecurities go. *****  So many fears and worries- and all based on the wrong thing:  external gratification, fear, and the opinions of others.  Scary to admit, but true nonetheless.  I want to change that about myself.  I admit, it is so wonderful to hear from readers and see comments posted after spending some time working on a post.   I have been so hung up on trying to figure out who I "should be" in the blogging community or who you all "expect" me to be in order for you all to keep reading, instead of simply being genuine and realistic about where I am in my life and all of my random interests.

So this new year marks the beginning of me facing those fears, insecurities and worries and kicking them to the curb.  I want to be real about where I am and about the healing that continues to take place in my heart.  I want to push into and become the woman God is calling me to become.  I want to live with my whole heart.  Sure there will still be posts about Luke and Lily and our family.  Posts about my grief and sadness, but also posts about joy, inspiration, encouragement, adventures, experiments in the kitchen, our home, "crafts," beauty, photography, my journey in motherhood, things I'm learning and hopefully a lot more too.  I am making a commitment to be genuine and to keep on writing and posting even if no one reads another thing I write!  I'm going to write and post for an audience of One starting.....now.  (Whew! This could have been an entire blog post in and of itself. Sorry!)

14.  Be mentored.  I want to open my heart to the inspiration, wisdom and friendship that is out there for the asking and taking.  There are incredible women in my realm both online and in real life.  I desire to be more intentional with my pursuit of their friendship and mentorship.

15.  Wholeheartedly love my friends.  I have amazing friends in my life.  I desire to show them and tell them and remind them and cherish them.  Life is hard and it would be impossible without my friends.  I love them!  So this will be a year filled with special birthdays, gifts, meals, words, time together, phone calls, cards, and I hope, loads of fun times.

16.  Practice gratitude.  I have said it so many times here, the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp (have you read it yet?) has changed my life and my heart's perspective.  I have started my list of my own one thousand gifts and desire to continue my counting....I will share some of my list from time to tome here.

17. Move - Our little beloved house is not currently on the market as we took it off for the winter, but this spring we intend to put it back on with our fingers crossed and hopes high.  We do not know where in town we will be moving, but it is our goal to be in a different home by this time next year.  That thought both excites and overwhelms me at the same time...but mostly excites me!

18.  To live inspired.  So often I fall into the rut of seeing the glass as half empty, as a day filled with 'have-tos' and 'shoulds' - not through the eyes of possibility, potential and continued growth.  My little Lily is a HUGE source of inspiration to me.  Watching her grow, change, learn, develop, try and try and try new things over and over until she masters them- that is just amazing to me how God gave her to me and how she shows me every day how to 'just do it."  She doesn't talk herself out of trying something because it would be too hard.  Nope, she just goes for it and gives it her all.  I love that about her and I desire to develop that quality in my own life.    So this year, I am going to surround myself with inspiring quotes, passages, people, blogs, ideas and with a little gal who embodies the mindset of "I think I can and I will!"  I'm inspired already!

So there you have it.  My pursuits for the upcoming year.  Needless to say, it should be a great one!