Today

Well, today was one of those days.  You know the ones...where you wake up and you are in a cranky mood for absolutely no reason at all and the day just rolls on from there.  I woke up tired, Lily did not want to eat her bottle(s), naps were kind of a wrestle (which until recently has been rare), I had zero motivation for my to-do list, I had to haggle with KCPL (our local power company) over a charge on my bill that has been in dispute for over a month now, the car had to go into the shop necessitating carpooling Joe to and from work, the sink had dirty dishes in it (and the sink needed to be scrubbed), it was bath night (not necessarily a negative thing, but today felt like just one.more.thing.I.have.to.do), the afternoon "nap" lasted 25 minutes, my lips were chapped, I could not find a pen that worked, we were almost out of diapers and formula (ie requiring an emergency trip to SAMS..ugh), I was not exited about my lunch, things fell out of the closet and the cabinet when I opened them today, the desk in our office was crowded and cluttered preventing anything productive from happening there, my pants are too short, I seemed to hit every stop light no matter when or where I was driving, I was scratched three different times by Lily's fingernails which I had neglected to file yesterday, my sense of purpose seemed nonexistent,  our mail arrived early which meant my outgoing mail did not make it out, I felt like I had zero energy and my head was just drowning in negative thoughts all day both about myself and others and the world in general.  Yes, it was one of those days. Ugly. Ugly. Ugly.

I know I'm not alone when days like these rear their ugly head.  We all go under water from time to time thanks to those days that push us to our limits.  When days like today appear, I personally just want to crawl back into my bed and wait for tomorrow to start so I can begin anew....if only it were that easy.  In my recent learnings about gratitude, it is when days like this come along that we are supposed to say 'thank you' the loudest. I hate to admit it, but I stunk at this today.

I say that I really want to anchor my life in gratitude, but what I realized today was that gratitude is an easy practice when things are running smoothly or feel normal- even good.  But the reality of finding things to be thankful for when tears of frustration are brimming over something benign and you have already reached your maximum capacity for the day and it is only 10:30am...that is when my rose colored glasses of gratitude living tend to break.

However, today I really wanted to be different.  I could cognitively recognize where I was in my day and I wanted the practice of gratitude in the midst of my ugliness to change my heart and perspective. Much easier said than done.  I think that is why we have to practice gratitude.  (Because on days like today it is not easy!)  In the end, I was able to find some gifts from the day amidst all of my challenges...but it was tough and honestly it wasn't until I looked back over my hard-fought-for list that I realized that today might not have been as bad as I thought.  Hmmm....  So anyway, here's to a brighter tomorrow!  I hope yours is a great one!

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discovering that a particular cry from the crib in the wee hours did not mean pain
joyful early morning jabbering from Lily's room
smiles from Lily
a long morning nap
little snuggles here and there throughout the day
fresh baked muffins for breakfast
ice cold water in my cup
learning that the problem with the car was minor and fixed at no charge
getting to see Joe in the middle of the day
resolution to an ongoing problem
healthy food in our fridge
a healthy, happy baby
little fingernails that grow because she is healthy
a keen little mind that observes every little detail around her
fluffy pink coats to keep her warm
gas in our vehicles

the love and affection between a little girl and her lovie (baa baa)
pushing through and making a yummy dinner at home when really wanted take out
birthday flowers all around the house
cirrus clouds at sunset
a mess all over the front room because she can crawl and loves to play and move around
dishes in the sink from meals fed
a birthday gift delivered
a surprise scrubbed sink
an empty bottle at bedtime
quiet time to blog